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愿在努力的每个春天,都有美丽的蝴蝶轻轻的飞过

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愿在努力的每个春天,都有美丽的蝴蝶轻轻的飞过

文/花千树

人生岁首,总要提笔写些什么,虽然往往不知该从何说起。近来更是感觉时间快的无知无觉,去年这个时节还是孕八九个月间,每天盼着小宝的平安降生,而今已经长那么大,开始扶着沙发一步一步地走了。有时会猛然一下,哟,已经就要三十了。

1

工作与生活,承担与放弃,之前从未认真的想过,只是过着尚可的生活,拿着尚可的薪水,周末就在家宅着做饭看剧打扫卫生或者出去玩。随着二人世界变成一个家庭,似乎一切都变了。

婴儿真是个神奇的物种,一出生啥也没干便取得家庭的中心地位,此后便自来熟地和你笑和你闹,纵然彼此语言不通,但并不影响其乐融融的生活啊。当然伴随的还有从未完整的睡眠和永远不消停的家务。

如若说之前还可以如此尚可的生活下去,小宝的出生便清醒的意识到再也不能了。人生总是一个阶段一个阶段,学生时代是一个阶段,明亮、忧伤、张扬,多好的词儿用在上面都丝毫不为过;从毕业到小宝出生前又是一个阶段,从翼翼小心到从容喜悦;小宝出生后便又是一个新的阶段。

没有宝宝前,一直觉得自己是孩子,有了之后,便再也无处可逃的是大人了。一个人胡吃海塞想睡便睡,但身份成了妈妈便不能如此,要考虑哺乳,要准备她的吃喝,还要考虑小宝的各种生物作息,而当她终于晚上睡着后已经是凌晨了。这一年是真的和晚上压马路谈天说地看星星看天空运气好还能顺手买个花,没事去吃个酸辣粉的生活彻底告别了。

2

这一年,先生转变也很大,准确的说这几年他的改变要比我大太多,变得从容踏实。有了小宝之后话也比之前多很多,更加阳光积极。

我也开始重新审视自己,毕业几年尝试很多,说起来道理全然明白,但却一事无成。先生之前话不多,却是一个目标,很踏实一步一步的走。或许这正是我所欠缺的,不够踏实,不够认真,总觉得还行,其实还有好多人比你牛逼却还比你努力,而时间永远是挤挤就会有的,你真的用劲去拼过么还是只是觉得。

我是一个不太容易被说服的人,今年却也开始反思自己。每个人的人生都有你所不知的艰辛,小时候觉得快乐是因为父母替你做了一切,现在体会到累是因为你要替另一个小小的生命事无巨细的去做一切。时间的残酷性在于不声不响的告诉你,你再也不是那个可以肆意的少年。

3

来京六年,大大小小换了三份工作,都是编辑,遇见过很nice的主编,也碰到过德不配位的渣渣,激情过也消沉过,工作久了会疲,不知道自己该干什么,该怎样去走职业道路。

对于别人自己总是看的很清楚,一想到自己便是一头雾水,貌似好多都行,但又不是太妥,纠结间便一日一日的过去了。

唯一明白的便是不能停滞,大概因为自己本身就不喜欢一滩静止的死水吧,总觉得生命应该是鲜活的,生活应该是热气腾腾的。

记得高中的时候语文老师说我根源在于自己跟自己较劲,想必是对的,内心的挣扎与渴望带着我向前走吧。

4

今天无意间翻起之前的笔记本,感触良多。无格的白纸,用黑色的钢笔抄写上去那些触动内心的句子,现在看来还是一阵悸动。

说实话,说自己古董也好,守旧也罢,还是喜欢那种用钢笔写字的感觉,一直觉得文字是有生命的,用笔写字,可以感受到字的生命力,在字里也能感受到自己那时的心境,若许多年后,翻起来,还能嗅到当年的气息。内心隐隐的颤动,我明白我是爱这些的。

人生的岔路口总是很多,或许终其一生也不能参透自己到底想要怎样,努力之余有太多的不确定性和偶然,知道的只是所爱是家庭和那些文字。家庭让我温暖,文字却已然成了生命中的一部分,之前烦了写,高兴了写,没事了也写,更像一场自己跟自己的对话,自己对自己的一场排解,情绪需要一个出口,写算是一个很好的出口吧。

所谓前程,努力争取;所谓家庭,温情守候;所谓文字,深深的热爱吧。愿在努力的每个春天,都有美丽的蝴蝶轻轻的飞过。

来源:左岸读书

英文版:

Every spring that wishs to be in hard, the butterfly that has beauty gently had flown

Article / spends 1000 trees

Life thes beginning of the year, always want to carry a pen what to write, although often do not know this from why to speak of. It is to feel the ignorance with fast time is not had more of late become aware, this season was returned last year is pregnant between 89 months, what longing for small treasure everyday is restful be born, had grown now so big, begin to helping sofa up one pace ground went. Meet sometimes abruptly, oh, had been about 30.

1

The job and life, assume with abandon, never admit to had thought really before, just live passable life, taking passable salary, wear in messuage on the weekend cook see drama clean sanitation to perhaps go out to play. Become a family as bound of 2 the world, it seems that everything changed.

The baby is a magical species really, be born the central position that what also did not do to acquire a family, after this self-invited cultivated land and you laugh and you are troubled by, even if each other language is illogical, but the life that does not affect be in harmony of its Le Rong. Accompany of course still have the Morpheus He Yongyuan that rectifies from unfinished not the housework that disappear stops.

If say before OK still and such passable life goes down, the birth of small treasure realizes soberly again also cannot. Life always is a phase a phase, student times is a phase, bright, distressed, make public, much better word with above a bit has not been been; Going out to small treasure from graduation is a phase before one"s death, arrive carefully from carefully easy joyance; A new level is after small treasure is born.

Before doing not have darling, feel oneself are the child all the time, after having, again also what nowhere can escape is adult. One individual moustache eats the sea to fill in to sleep sleepily, but the identity became mother cannot such, want to consider lactation, want those who prepare her to eat and drink, consider all sorts of biology work and rest of small treasure even, and before dawn should have been after she is asleep in the evening eventually. It is this year to be mixed really press a driveway to talk of everything in the evening it is good to see star see day of airborne energy of life still can conveniently buys a flower, the life that does not have a thing to have an acerbity hot white left thoroughly.

2

This year, gentleman change is very big also, the exact change that says him a few years this should compare me big too much, become easy and dependable. Before after having small treasure, the word also is compared a lot of more, more sunshine is active.

I also begin to examine my afresh, graduation tries a few years a lot of, say the reason is perfect and obvious, but however accomplish nothing. The word is not much before the gentleman, it is a target however, very dependable of one pace go. Probably what I am deficient in this, not quite dependable, not quite serious, always feel to still go, actually still a lot of person forces than your ox still try hard than you however, and time is crowded forever squeeze with respect to meeting some, your true put forth one"s strength goes going all out just still feel.

I am a person that is persuaded not quite easily, also begin to review oneself however this year. The life of everybody has hardships of your place insensible, feel because parents did everything for you,joy is in one"s childhood, experience arrives now tired because you want to replace another little life,be of All matters go doing everything. The brutal sex of time depends on telling you silently, you also are not that OK and wanton teenager again.

3

Come to Beijing 6 years, greatly small changed triplet to work, it is an editor, had encountered the chief editor of Nice, also had come up against heart do not deserve broken bits, passion passes dejected also over- , the job became long the meeting is exhausted, do not know what oneself should do, how should go professional road.

What always look to him others is very clear, think of oneself are water of a mist, seemingly a lot of go, but not be too appropriate, between kink pasts.

What understand exclusively is cannot backwater, do not like one beach because of him itself probably dormant lentic, always feel life should be fresh, the life should be reeky.

When remembering high school, Chinese teacher says my germ depends on him following his stronger, most propbably is right, of the heart struggle to taking me to go ahead with longing.

4

Turn over a jotter before accidentally today, feeling fine is much. Without the white paper of case, the pen that uses black is scribal go up those sentences that touch a heart, look now or palpitant.

Tell the truth, say him antique it may not be a bad idea, conservative, still like the sort of sense that writes with the pen, feel the character has life all the time, write with the pen, can experience the vitality of the word, also can experience oneself in the word the mood in those days, if make old hind, break up, still can nose in those days breath. The heart vibrates faintly, I understand I love these.

The fork crossing of life always is very much, be born to also cannot be joined firstly eventually probably appear oneself after all to want how, of effort have too much uncertainty and accidental, those who know is a love only it is family and those character. The family makes me warm, the character became the one part in life already however, before irritated write, glad to write, do not have a thing also write, more resemble a dialog that oneself follow oneself, oneself are right oneself untangle, the mood needs an exit, write be a very good exit.

Alleged future, try hard to strive for; Alleged family, softhearted expect; So-called written language, deep passion. Every spring that wishs to be in hard, the butterfly that has beauty gently had flown.

Origin: Zun An reads

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